PREPARING SLOW READERS FOR DISAPPOINTMENT

SECRET PROJECT 01 is leaving soon!

In what can only be described as the publishing equivalent of watching someone trip spectacularly in public and then asking if you'd like to see it in slow motion, I'm thrilled to announce that Secret Project 01 is in its final moments of beta availability! That's right—this glorious monument to my questionable grammar and plot holes large enough that you could drive a Samurai mech through is about to be whisked away to Audible Studios, where professional voice actors will attempt to pronounce words I possibly spelled correctly.

HURRY! Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to experience my raw, unfiltered creative output before professionals sanitize it for public consumption! It's like watching a home renovation show, except instead of a beautiful reveal, you get to see the moment the contractor accidentally puts a sledgehammer through a load-bearing wall.

For those who finished Dalton Thorne’s adventure and are hungry for more, a second course is coming soon: Able-Bodied Soldier 4 is lurching toward you like a wounded space-bear with a grudge. Different publisher, same tendency to use the same phrases over and over until the editor points it out!

A Tale of Two Proofing Processes

The educational portion of today's announcement involves the thrilling world of book proofing—a process about as exciting as watching paint dry, but with more comma splices:

WarGate's Method: Book gets written, edited, and then passed through a gauntlet of increasingly desperate proofreaders who begin to question if the money is worth it somewhere around page 37. These are the people who pick up a menu, lean near their spouse and point out that “omelet” should only have one L—only now it’s a legitimate side-hustle.

Variant's Method is a wisdom of the crowd kind of thing. After editing, the manuscript is uploaded to a Google Doc where beta readers can comment directly on the text. You really get a sense of how easy it is for typos to slip through a 120,000 word novel when “You shoulder not have done that” slips past the first ten people.

When ABS4 is ready, I'll send a link so you can participate in this Variant festival of red marks and suggested corrections.

A Confession from the Depths of Author Despair

I've written at least ten books—which is as high as I can count because math, like proper semicolon usage, remains an elusive part of my skill set. Despite the armies of editors, proofreaders, and concerned citizens who have examined my work, not a single book has emerged typo-free. It's almost impressive, really—like a superpower, if disappointing those with better attention to detail were considered heroic.

Writing books, it turns out, is similar to golf or bowling: no matter how much you practice, you inevitably end up saying, “I meant to do that,” just prior to speed-walking off the premises before the police arrive.

In other news, I hope to get that first podcast episode out this month. I have a special guest in mind, but if they aren’t available, I’ll just have to call upon you.

And remember…

Deadline for Secret Project 01 beta access: Sooner than you think, later than I promised.